Welcome to the Emporium Inter-Universal Observation Platform! Our patented negative-potential Omniglass™ keeps you safe from the existence-stripping pressure of the inter-universal medium while giving you an unparalleled view across the cosmos. Pick up a guide book, or ask one of our metacosmologists to help you identify the objects currently close to Emporium in the local cosmic hypersphere! Can you find your own homeplane? Take home a picture today - only 1 $C! Impress your loved ones or intimidate your enemies with a tangible demonstration of the sheer cosmic scale of the multiverse!
Universe Designation L320-H47 Estimated total mass-energy: 10^41 kg Metaphysical alignment quotient: 0.8962 Number of Entities detected: 0 Sub-Entity life class: Delta Universal Happiness Index: -0.052 Assessment: No Entity-class lifeforms detected. Risk of retaliation: negligible Sub-Entity life at pre-industrial levels or lower. No Fate, Will, or Magic (Type I) metaphysical components detected. Non-Entity resistance: negligible Risk of damage to systems: negligible Risk of mutually assured destruction/scorched earth scenario: negligible Potential raw resource gain: moderate Cost of metaphysical realignment: low-moderate Metaphysical alignment is 0.0217 below standard threshold. Extraction units may require non-trivial alteration to achieve optimal efficiency. However, this does present an opportunity for the testing of Mark IV Reality Anchors. Conclusion: Low-risk testbed for next phase of metaphysical deviation prediction and compensation. Commencing phase gate connection in 3... 2... 1...
A roiling eye of fire and smoke opens in the heavens. An enormous, red-hot metal tether, larger than any visible landmark, descends from it and slams into the ground. It is swiftly followed by a machine of equally gigantic proportions, easily dwarfing the nearby mountain range. A myriad operations begin all across its surface, impossible to follow or comprehend. The space around it warps and shudders. With alarming efficiency, skyscraper-sized chunks of earth are torn up by immense manipulators, compacted, and sent back up the tether towards the now-stabilised portal.
Preliminary samples taken. Processing... ... Adjusting reality compensators... Recycling by-products... Initialising flash-fusion generators... ...
The ground shakes as something sinks deep into the soil and rock. A shaft of pure iron, struck through with a shimmering, oozing liquid, rises up the tether and follows the chunks of earth into the sky.
Analysing exotic material... Fine-tuning stabilisation process... ... Energy output: nominal Exotic material hazard: low Further investigation pending Estimated extraction efficiency: 98.1% ... Commencing extraction.
The portal flares across the sky, stretching from horizon to horizon. Miles away, further tethers bury themselves in the planet’s crust. The animate matter of this world flees in vain from the gargantuan machines, as the entire world is dismantled and dragged away into its own sky.
Somewhere far, far away, someone looks up into the sky of their own world as, one by one, the stars begin to go out.
Space is big - very big. But if you could see the whole of this space, all at once, you would see at one side a vast expanse of enormous metal structures: great circular portals, gates through which pass blocks of material - mostly pure iron - and a steady stream of high-energy photons. Surrounding them are a vast array of equally immense devices whose function is unclear - but all of them are distinctly pointed at the portals, and the viewer gets the uncomfortable feeling that they would not like to be at the end of them when they do whatever it is they do.
The materials that pass through the gates - the photons and the iron - are used to feed factories the size of stars. Some of these factories produce spare parts for the other factories - all maintained by an immensely complex logistical system. Other factories produce the parts that build the portals, and the gigantic machines that travel through them. The majority of the factories, however, produce a single variety of computational machine which apparently serves no purpose in this cycle except to be the final product.
The viewer might be forgiven to think that the colourless grey machines they were looking at simply lacked colour out of a ruthless efficiency of their creator. But now, perhaps, the viewer takes in the rest of this place and realises that no colour exists at all - no source of light emits anything but a neutral grey-white. There is no sound in a vacuum by nature, but even inside a spacesuit, any sound would also be a flat monotone. Even the viewer’s own voice; perhaps even their own thoughts. All perception of colour and pitch has been stripped away, leaving only this infinite grey.
Behind the factories, the space is laced with a dense array of warheads filled with condensed metal-phase entropy - otherwise known as red mercury, though here even that is only a dull, dark grey. The minefield sits there, a universe-spanning nuclear deterrent.
Between the red mercury warheads, shipments of those factory products carefully weave their way to literal galaxies consisting entirely of those computational machines. As far as the eye can see (and with no matter wasted on useless things like atmosphere and interstellar medium, the eye can see a long way), there is nothing but seemingly endless banks of these identical devices. There are no physical readouts, of course - that would be a waste of matter - but for the sake of monitoring, each individual machine transmits a diagnostic log:
I AM HAPPY I AM HAPPY I AM HAPPY I AM HAPPY
And presiding over it all, the great machine-mind which is builder, protector, and custodian of this place: unknown directly to the smaller machine-minds, and not merely a physical presence, but part of the workings of this universe itself. For as long as this universe exists, so too will the machine-mind, part matter, part pure physical law.
With a Universal Happiness Index of 99.999, this is, objectively speaking, the happiest plane in the multiverse.
Welcome to Paradise.