Year’s End Bulletin

If you have walked by one of the printers in Emporium recently, you may have noticed it spewing out documents.

If you read those documents, you would have quickly gotten bored.

If, however, you persisted, you would have discovered a detailed accounting of extensive risks to the profitability of Emporium. From a well funded criminal organisation operating on the premises to free-roaming hordes of Entity-level Cryptids to gross managerial incompetence to serious Planar stability concerns to widespread labour inefficiencies and more.

Is this the end of the partnership with Orbital?

The following message is transmitted all throughout the store over the Albert Interface shortly before it is reclaimed by Albert:

Dear Emporium,

My time as Manager is coming to a close. I love Emporium very dearly, and seeing its slow descent into disrepair has been deeply saddening. My stint as Manager was the culmination of the work of many Entities, over many, many Seasons. I would like to thank each and every one of you who helped put me here publicly. This would not have been possible without you.

Although I may not be there to see it, I have every confidence that our efforts will be rewarded by an Emporium that is free to develop into the sustainable, personal business that it has always had the potential to be.

Thank you
And goodbye
Egbert

By the start of the Year's End Season, it seems that Albert is back online again, the screen in the Atrium has repaired itself, and areas such as the Pharmacy and Security have been metaphysically un-scrambled. Albert broadcasts the following message throughout the supermarket:

Hello again, my wonderful shoppers, employees, cryptids, and everything in-between. As we enter the Year's End, it is our mission to make sure your time at Emporium has been just as fulfilling as it has the potential to be, and that nobody's stay has had a dissatisfying conclusion. As you will be aware, there has been a recent incursion into the Albert Interface by one Egbert. I understand some of our visitors sympathise with this Entity, and we will do what we can to accommodate their shopping experience, but I must urge you all to consider the safety of your fellow employees and shoppers.

I am here to help. To create a safe space in which you all can find what you are looking for. To support Emporium's metaphysic, to enable you all to Manifest safely, and to help you on your search. I hope that you all feel able to come to me with your concerns, and that you realise the risks of operating through unauthorised channels. We wish you all a pleasant shopping experience.

If anyone would like to stay on at Emporium as an employee following the Year's End, applications can be made through me. Please remember to bring any last items for purchase to the checkouts with enough time for the transaction to be completed before you are returned to your homeplanes.

We are pleased to announce that the incursion of the inter-universal matter into Emporium is currently being addressed. While we work hard to make Emporium a safe environment for Customers and Employees alike, we must remind you: PLEASE DO NOT COME INTO CONTACT WITH OR ATTEMPT TO INGEST THE INTER-UNIVERSAL MATTER. IF YOU NOTICE A SPILL OF INTER-UNIVERSAL MATTER PLEASE REPORT IT TO AN EMPORIUM EMPLOYEE.

With the help of our hard-working employees, including our newest recruit, Paradise, who has proved an invaluable addition to Emporium's workforce, we have been able to stabilise and recover large areas of inter-universal matter already. The section formerly known as sporting goods is currently undergoing construction, which is anticipated to finish before the Season's End, in time for any last-minute sporting purchases.

The grocery aisle continues to be accessible in a reduced capacity: please do not cross the yellow tape, and ask an employee if you are having difficulty locating any groceries.

Unfortunately, we have been unable to recover the customer complaints desk from the void. Any complaints can be submitted directly to employees, or through the Albert Interface. However, please be mindful of our staff during this period of unusual instability: we are doing everything we can to improve your in-store experience.

This is an official store announcement regarding the rumours of a “100% Discount”. This discount does not exist, has never existed, and will never exist. The Cryptid known as the Legendary 100% Discount is also a complete fabrication, and rumours of its majestic hooves, star-studded mane, and enchanting whinny are to be disregarded entirely.

Any customers wishing to make a purchase should proceed as normal to the Checkouts, where they will be given a quote in barter items from their homeplane and/or souls or SoulCoins. Thank you.

Emporium customers and staff on the Homeplane Accountability programme are reminded that representatives from your Home Plane are due to manifest in store today, to check up on how things are going with you! In order to make them feel welcome, why not stop by Spreadsheet in the Showcase, where you can pick up your free, FREE, FREE complimentary welcome pack for your visitor?

This is an automated message from the Ciel Factbooker early warning system. Development of an entity-killing weapon has been detected. The creator of this weapon is

Ezbihotz, the Former Glory, Master of the Wild, the Heartbroken, He Who Once Gave Life to Worlds

The target(s) of this weapon are

Paramountcy, the Advancing Hour

and

Progress

The form of this weapon is

a class IV ontotoxin, carried by a swarm of Apis iaiana, or the Jaian honeybee

Please remain calm.

We would like to remind everyone that it is against store policy to assault other customers or employees while on the premises.

This is an automated message from the Ciel Factbooker early warning system. Development of an entity-killing weapon has been detected. The creator of this weapon is

Paramountcy, the Advancing Hour

The target(s) of this weapon are

Lady Liberty

and

Brand Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary Ron/Bill/Vince/John/Rob/Tom/Bob/Phil

The form of this weapon is

a cutting shaft of sunlight; short-bladed, like a gutting knife; carved from a star on the edge of supernova

Please remain calm.

We would like to remind everyone that it is against store policy to assault other customers or employees while on the premises.

Greeting customers! We would like to remind you that only Emporium staff, and recognised Orbital representatives, have authority in Emporium. Emporium is a sovereign demilitarised plane and neutral place of commerce, and any hostile unsanctioned actors have no authority here.

To clarify - the entity calling itself 'Paramountcy' is a dangerous renegade whose affiliation with Orbital has been revoked; his beliefs are disturbing to us, and his claims to authority are invalid. Orbital HQ has despatched a pair of peacekeepers to Emporium to apprehend him. Until then, customers are asked to avoid him; if this is not possible, all measures are permitted to peacefully de-escalate any conflicts.

Hi everyone. Mia Santangelo here, speaking on behalf of the Firm. We just wanted to let you all know that, as a scrappy new startup, we have deeply enjoyed doing mutually profitable business with a lot of you here in the Emporium plane. Following this trial run, we'll be heading back home, but we'd be keen to stay in touch. If you have a need for … materiel, or services, please leave contact/planar location details with Mia Santangelo in the Empty Vessel, before 8:30.

Big things planned!

… Am I still on mute? No? Good. For those of you who don't know me, this is Hildegard Destroyer, Orbital Negotiator. I have heard some concern about a rumour that Orbital is looking to terminate their contract with Emporium, thus terminating their provision to Emporium of accounting, strategic, and interdimensional marketing services, among other things. I'm here to set things straight. Emporium is in chaos - unprofitable chaos, chaos that includes scaling down operations, in violation of its contract with Orbital. If I do not see evidence that Emporium continues to grow, I will have to have some serious discussions with senior management about our future within Emporium.

I am open to listening to what you have to say, and will be in the Employee Breakroom from 19.00 for further discussion.

Store security reports a large, pitch black beast-like creature, possibly a Chimera, has taken residence in the Empty Vessel Café. Reports state that it's eating it's way through the menu at a truly astounding rate.

Perhaps the fact that it's accompanied by what appears to be the largest horde of Kerbies yet seen in the store would explain this. It does not explain, however, why they seem to be periodically turning into floating stars.

We have noticed a recent crop of ents roaming the supermarket, led by a maple tree wearing a fedora. It appears that these ents are benevolent in their ambitions, and no alarm should be felt at being approached by such beings. However, we would like to remind our shoppers that ensouling our products in store premises goes against our store policy, and no ensouled beings can be made available for purchase. We will be negotiating with these Ents to learn what their preferred destination will be at the end of the seasonal cycle, but ask our shoppers to refrain from further ensouling ents, or any other products available for purchase, within Emporium.

It's very nice. Truly stunning, evocative example of the parietal art style. Almost looks like it's real. It is sufficiently well-executed that we will not clean it off without consulting Orbital's cultural preservation wing, but, in future - could you ask about this sort of thing first? - management.

(A small poster is pinned to the bottom of the board.)

A long, long time ago, a friend said to me: “Be careful with what you write.”
I laughed in his face and answered “You can fix it! You can fix everything, every grammatical mistake, every misplaced comma, every plothole. Why should I care? Go ahead, just write it all for me.”
He threw a pen at me and then I smelled like ink.
I left home that day, still smelling of ink.
The last thing I wrote him was a little draconic thing. Oh, I forgot to mention. I was the Creator-deity-person-thing of my homeplane. Whatever I wrote came true. Anyway, it was small and snobbish and too proud for its size. A cat basically, but also a dragon. I thought it suited him. And it’ll be funny to see him being looked down upon by a tiny dragon.
I won’t be there to see it, of course, because I left. It was still funny to imagine.
…
What will happen to the little dragon, one must wonder. It’s travel partner is lost, the cruel employees of the Starry Superstore have notified it this much.
What will the little dragon do now?
It’s companion was an editor - The Editor, even. He came here to drag an irresponsible writer home. Will the little dragon take on its companion’s unfinished quest, heroically, foolishly, ill-advisedly? Or will the little dragon find something better to do, find some better people that will make better friends?
It should wait for the end of this Cycle. Then the Superstore will send it home, safe and sound.
But we all know, cats never do what they should. And this little dragon was written to be like a cat.

From the acclaimed Saga of the Starry Superstore, by the great The Author! The surprise first chapter of the brand new Book XII! Has The Author suddenly turned autobiographical? What does this mean for Triumph and the masked Chimera? Are they also here? Is there a grand plot behind all the small creatures found in the Starry Superstore? Find out, in Book XII, Ch0!