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--- news:2 [2021/08/16 22:35]
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+++ news:2 [2021/08/17 16:19] (current)
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-====== Summer Store Bulletin ======
+ ====== Summer Store Bulletin ======
+===== Cooking Contest! =====
+Customers and employees alike, we all come from such a wonderful homeworlds, filled with multiversal bounty and beauty. And what better way to celebrate that diversity, than with food? In the upcoming Autumn Season - associated with harvest in 58% of universes with temperate climates - Emporium is running a harvest festival and cooking contest. This summer, why not prepare for harvest by seeking out unique ingredients from your Homeplane (10% off in the grocery section), consulting ancient recipe-codices, or planning decorations? The Empty Vessel will be hosting Johnny Gangster's Transdimensional Speakeasy in Autumn, as well as a contest with exciting rewards for the best decorations and dishes, so take this time to get ready!
+===== RAGNAR'S RING OF GLORIOUS COMBAT =====
+Welcome, one and all, to **RAGNAR'S RING OF GLORIOUS COMBAT!**  For a limited time only, customers will have the opportunity to face each other in **GLORIOUS COMBAT**, a tradition that originates from **RAGNAR'S TURF!** Sign up now to compete now and receive a complimentary glass of **REFRESHING, DELICIOUS PUNCH!**((Not to be confused with the punch one might receive on facing RAGNAR in the ring.))
+The rules are simple: Fights may have any format as long as all those competing agree to them on sign up.  While traditional **GLORIOUS COMBAT** has been known to last from a single attack to multiple cycles, time limits of fifteen minutes will be imposed on each match to keep things moving along.
+Please be aware that by signing up to take part in this event, you waive all responsibility for any injuries or other harm to your existence that may occur while in the ring.  Deathmatches (here defined as matches where the objective is to discorporate or harm an opponent to the point that they are ejected from the store) are not allowed by company policy.
+===== Summer Fashion =====
+The Clothing Section has //changed// for summer! Need a swimsuit to show off your summer Manifestation? Need a pair of light-devouring sunglasses, a multipurpose umbrella, or an hazard suit to hide from the heat and light? Looking for a dashing set of adventuring gear for your next glorious expedition? We have your //covered//!
+Even if you're simply bored, our dynamic display promises to make your window shopping experience a perfect delight!
+===== Assurance & Auditing =====
+We know that Emporium is a hive of activity, but try not to get so busy that you forget to //bee// on your best behaviour! Emporium has held the Stamp of All Purpose Quality™ Level 3 for a long time, but now we have a chance to reach the highly coveted Level 2.  With the start of the summer season, Emporium is being audited to determine whether the store is safe, functional, welcoming, and a pinnacle of excellence in the multiverse, deserving of a Level 2 award; and not worthy of being demoted to the disgusting, howling depths of Level 4...
+===== Prayer Engine Fully Operational! =====
+Thanks to the skilled labour of Emporium employees Frey Wheeler and Mask, and the generous assistance of customers Sing and Paradise, the Prayer Engine is now fully operational, capable of summoning inhabitants of Entities' homeplanes to the Emporium shopfloor for the receipt of prayers, accountability sessions, and calls back home for homesick customers and employees alike. Spaces are limited; if you want to book a slot on the Prayer Engine, please contact Ciel Worldbooker for details.
+===== Store Policy Reminder =====
+We would like to remind everyone that it is against store policy to assault other customers or employees while on the premises. The exceptions to this rule are if you are acting in self defence and, of course, consensual two-way combat in the newly-completed **RAGNAR’S RING OF GLORIOUS COMBAT.** Violence in the case of the latter is, in fact, encouraged! But please do keep it friendly - we don’t want any customers or employees getting grievously harmed or sent home early!
+We also request that the injured, unconscious bodies of non-customer, non-employee Entities are not carried through public spaces in front of customers.
+Thank you.
+===== Public Service Announcement =====
+Emporium would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused by traces of glitter found in the following store locations:
+  * Key Concepts (in Conceptual)
+  * **RAGNAR'S GLORIOUS RING OF COMBAT**
+  * Outside the Soul Vault
+  * The Dreamers' Lodge
+  * Entertainment
+  * Homeplane Display Area
+  * Warehouse Staging Area
+We would like to reassure shoppers that the situation is being dealt with, and singularities attuned to glitter have been set up in the Arts and Crafts aisle to tackle the root of the problem. Emporium appreciates your co-operation while we seek out the remaining traces of glitter, and directs any customers or employees in need of de-glittering to the Arts and Crafts aisle, where employees will be on-hand to direct you to the nearest singularity.
+===== Technical Difficulties =====
+In light of recent reports regarding the unexpected reshaping of reality in the Dreamers' Lodge, Emporium would like to reassure its customers that the sleeping pods remain perfectly safe to sleep in, and security is monitoring the situation closely to ensure that your experience in-store remains a comfortable and enjoyable one. Emporium apologises sincerely for any distress caused, and will be offering pleasant dreams at half price for the duration of the Summer season in recompense for any harm done.
+===== Hello World!! =====
+<code> void setup() {
+  size(500, 100);
+ }
+ void draw() {
+  background(0);
+  textSize(48);
+ if (firmOSintrusionThroughputHz () < 32) {
+    //intrusion not yet complete
+    text("Accessing ...", 20, height-20);
+  }
+  else {
+    //*security specialist voice* 'i'm in'
+    text("Hello world!!", 20, height-20);
+}</code>
+=====Book XI, Chapter 50 =====
+(A small poster is pinned to bottom of the board.)
+"What else knows about this?"\\
+"Nothing."\\
+"Singular?"\\
+"Plural."\\
+Trapped under a collapsed space-time irregularity, Inexorable Triumph, The Heroic Protagonist finally has a chance to take a closer look at the masked Chimera. His seven eyes start to widen in recognition. Just as he opens his mouth to speak, there is a small scurrying noise, like little claws tapping on the floor.\\
+A claw slaps his mouth shut. The Chimera's other claw is now covering her own mouth.\\
+It cannot be...\\
+Around the corner, the little tapping has stopped. But in place of it, there is a ravenous munching, followed by...\\
+"HUNGRY?"
+//From the acclaimed Saga of the Starry Superstore, by the great The Author! Will the masked Chimera finally unmask? From foe to reluctant ally, can Triumph and the masked Chimera escape their many pursuers? Why were the eyes watching them? Why did the prophet mean when he warned them about their own shadows? Find out, in Book XI, Ch50!//