Rapturous Applause

um!! yes it is a star portal and it is very good not just because it is in the shape of my friend's face but also because of that because he is very good so has a very good face!!! look at the six main points and let them look at you too and you can go to all sorts of very good places and maybe also visit a friend sometimes because visiting friends is good and this is another thing that makes my friend rapturous applause very good!!!

ummm! i do not think you should look down when you are adjusting the star portal actually because you might make a mistake. i did not put any scary pitfalls into a spooky horror dimension there to mislead you onto another adventure that will also be very good actually but that would not happen because i did not do that.

i have a lot of budgets to think about so i think i will go and think about those and oh no you fell in the horror portal that someone mysteriously left on the ground that was very clumsy!!

if anyone asks it was not me that put it there. (:::

–Overheard star portal tour led by Feel the Overwhelming Weight of Nine Million and Seven Lavishments (And Know You Must Update Your Budget) in The Canvas of Dreamers

I don't know when they'll find these notes. They always find these notes. They're everywhere the system isn't. I can only hope that you aren't them, that you can spread the word that there's more here than just the official paths. I don't know what they're doing. A friend of mine - let's just call them X - was in trouble with Emporium's management. Near the end of their contract. Near the end of their rope. And then this six-eyed Glory offers X punch - punch! - and starts in on how all they need to do is change a few documents here, whisper loudly enough there, and all my friend X needs to do is the occasional favour, pass on little things.

Reader, you and I both know that “little favours” are never really little, and getting involved in things you can only see a part of is just the beginning of your end.

Sure, my friend's still at Emporium. Got a better position and everything. But that's –

– Uncredited note labelled “6” found in Emporium Warehouse, in the Unfounded Conspiracies area

They're back. That golden-pink Glory and his buddy, that astrolabe Implement, click-clacking away. Cornered Jo the other day, mentioned how surveillance could be used to pinpoint messes across Emporium and get employees there faster. The Glory was all optimism - so convinced that he was making life better that he'd near-convinced Jo. Then that Implement comes in, all if you don't like it, maybe we'll cause more messes that are harder to find, seeing as how you like messes so much.

Yeah, I bet you're not surprised that Jo took that suggestion to get more involved with different ways to use surveillance.

But that's not what security's tools are for. These Entities, they just want to divert the resources protecting us innocent civilians so we're no longer protected.

Yeah, it's all good when customers haven't fallen into the latest void spill on aisle 894021. As long as things are fine and dandy, there's no problem. But someone's profiting off of this, and you and I both know who those someones are. Jo swears up and down the aisle that Glory was insistent on getting nothing in return but words are just vibrations through the air. That's nothing substantial.

Reader, I don't know how deep this conspiracy goes, but if you're reading this, watch out. Those two are up to something and that something can't be anything good.

– Uncredited note labelled “417” found in Emporium Security Office, under a mug of punch

Have you noticed that some Emporium employees are really happy these days? This isn't just job satisfaction. They say it's because they've found a better way to log records, keep things nice and smooth and waste way less of their time.

Talk to one of these employees long enough and you'll see it's not something these employees were all spontaneously inspired to do. They received a helpful nudge from that pair. It was more of the usual thing - a bit of astrolabe imposition and thinly veiled threat, a lot of sweetness from her Glory buddy.

A source of mine asked me why I care. These two are a weird pair, sure, but they're actually helping the store run better. This pair may not be doing it all official, like, but so what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. It's hard to see past the good things and dig to the core of it which isn't going to be nearly so sweet or good. But reader, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I don't know when, I don't know how, but it's going to happen. Mark my words, one of these days I'm going to expose the truth.

– Uncredited note labelled “99424041” found in Emporium's Employee Break Room, pasted to the back of a fridge

hello. my name is Ek. I am An employee at the Emporium. I would like To Introduce. myself to you. Have you lost Communications? Has it been communicated? Has it been written down or spoken by a Soul (this is a form of communication) and do you not know it in which sense you have lost it in that you do not have access to it. has it been thought by an entity with a Brain containing divers Neurons causing neural Activity (this is a form of communication)? has it been conceived by a single unitary deity-mind and then told to not a Soul (this is not communication. we cannot help you with this)? then Boy Howdy do I Have The Good News for You. check it out:

if Emporium is an infinite store containing All things. and any information is a Thing. Then why don't we move into the Information Game! with the help of the Lost Communications Cryptid Crew we stand ready to bring Emporium into a New Era of Information Brokering. for a Modest commission we Stand Ready. to venture out to retrieve prophecies. ancient lore. intercepted rival (Military, Commercial, Malevolent) radio chatter. this Would be used responsibly. Of course!

if that wasn't enough then I hope that my Inspiring Story will be. a very dear to me Emporium Employee nearly destroyed our entire settlement. then he came and saved our settlement so that it was Even Better Than Before. and then he gave us lots of additional secrets. all the while he was searching for some Lost Communications of his very own! That we very generously Helped Him locate. and I was so impressed with him that I decided we should set up our own business to help people like him as an emporium subsidiary. all I would say is that he is very inspiring and kind and I do not want t Name him in case his Rose Gold cheeks glow even more Rosy but you know who you are and thank you.

anyway so hello Colleagues I look forward to working with you Going Forward.

yours

Ek.

ps. i believe something about This Message. caused it to be caught by the spam filters. i have sent it again to mailing list@emporium.sell just in case.