W̵̨̮̻͙̳̝͙̘̝̥̜̺̱̠̎̆̽̈̃̃̂̃͑̋̑̕ỉ̸͔̆͗͌̓̔͆͗͛̔͛͘͝n̴̹͖̥̱̻͙̼̱̳̈͠ͅẗ̷̡̡̛̩̲͇̗͈͈̦̬̱́̆ͅë̶̡̜̺̖͈̖̬͎̩̯̜̦̮̄̀ř̶̡̼̺̹̱̠͖͓̯̼̪̱̖͍̀́ Store Bulletin

Video Transcript

CAUTION! This is an urgent health and safety announcement!

Several areas of the store have undergone a sudden, unplanned reversal to a state of volatile inter-universal matter. WE URGE CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES TO REMAIN CALM AND REMAIN AT A SAFE DISTANCE. The relevant areas have been cordoned off and are not to be entered without express permission under any circumstances: this is for your own safety and for that of your fellow shoppers and employees.

Please take a moment to familiarise yourself with the areas of the store that are out of order this season:

• Customer Service
• Sporting Goods
• Groceries
• Dreamer's Lodge

The affected areas have been temporarily removed from the Warp Zone to prevent any accidental damage when warping. Please bear with us as we are working on a solution to the above problems. We have so far been able to reclaim a section of the grocery aisle, but this should be approached with extreme caution and employee supervision.

If you come into physical contact with any inter-universal matter please report to the Emporium pharmacy immediately for an emergency medical inspection. DO NOT INGEST UNIVERSAL MATTER¹⁾.

Unfortunately, evidence suggests that the above was the result of direct unauthorised intervention in Emporium's metaphysic. Anyone with information as to the perpetrator behind these anomalies should get in touch with Flopsie at security. Witness protection is available.

We would like to alert customers and employees to the recent reshelving and reorganisation that has occurred in the following areas of the store!

• Pharmacy
• Security
• Arts and Crafts
• SnøwcA$ë

Please bear with the pharmacy and security staff as they get used to navigating their new and improved surroundings! If you have stored any items in the security lockers, please hand your key to a member of staff at security to be re-issued! Please do not attempt to open your locker without staff assistance!

Please take care in the arts and crafts aisle, as well as the ș̵̯̆̌̀̀̿̀͗́̃͊̾̈́̚͝͠n̷̛̯̫̺̰̣̭̻̖̤͎̙̒̊͐̑͘õ̴̡̩̰̫͔̞̟͖̱̣w̴͓͓͚̅̎̉̽͂̿̀̾̈́̍̔͘̚͝͝c̶̨̧̧͚͓͖͈͓̗̳͍͈̬̘̀̓͘͠͠ą̸̧̨̨̹̟͇̪͉̤͍̣̬̈́̃͐̆͜͜s̸̬̖̹̬̝̻̪̭̣̺̜͑̀͝e̸̻̱̐̂̄́̓̐̒͗̉²⁾ section! We hope you have a w̷͖͓͛̀i̴̲̒ͅn̷͙̭̈̏̇̓t̵̢̨̧͕̂e̵̮̟͒̾͜r̵̖̾͛̀́-̷̡̲̇w̴̲͒̄̔o̵͎̓͆̇ņ̴̡̝̾͗͊͝d̴͓̳̼̉̓̒e̶͓̽r̴͚͛f̷̛̺̰̙̦́̚u̶̹̹̤͍̓̄l̷̯̀̕³⁾ experience!

Do you love to look at yourself in the mirror? Do you ever get the feeling that the mirror is looking back? It might just be! As of just recently, Emporium's mirror-dimension has become accessible via the mirror aisle! Please do not be alarmed if you see customers or employees passing through a mirror: they cannot reach through them but can see through them and may be interacted with! We hope you will enjoy this delightful new addition to your shopping experience, and remind customers that the mirror aisle has a metaphysical access restriction for reasons of health and safety.⁴⁾

ᴅɪsᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀ: ɪᴛᴇᴍs ʀᴇғʟᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴍɪʀʀᴏʀs ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ғᴜɴᴄᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀᴠᴀɪʟᴀʙʟᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴘᴜʀᴄʜᴀsᴇ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʜʀᴀsᴇ 'ᴅᴏᴜʙʟᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀʟs' ɪs ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴘᴜʀᴇʟʏ ғᴏʀ ᴀʟʟɪᴛᴇʀᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ ᴇғғᴇᴄᴛ.⁵⁾

Emporium and Orbital once again apologise for the ongoing delays in delivering payments to Emporium employees. Please rest assured that these administrative issues are being looked at with the highest priority. Any questions and concerns should be directed to Acting Orbital Secretary, Frey Wheeler.

Following a negotiation between Orbital, Emporium, and the 'Moderate' Caucus of the group formerly known as the Coo-coos, we are happy to report that a provisional peace treaty has been agreed. All formerly dispossessed Coo-coos not in leadership positions have been drafted into Emporium's employee pool, to address current security issues and resolve a personnel gap - please make them welcome! We also thank Ambassador Plenipotentiary and Extraordinary Ron, for their help in mediating these discussions, and various other Entities not named here who have helped raise the profile of the Coo-coo issue.

Note: members of the radical 'Justice Caucus' splinter faction are offered amnesty, in the event that they demobilise themselves and disavow their former affiliation. Employees and customers are reminded to take care in the Warehouses, and stay vigilant for Coo-coos not party to the negotiated agreement.

We would like to sincerely apologise for the lack of airplanes in stock in our warehouse this season. We are deeply sorry for this unprecedented shortcoming, and will endeavour to amend it by the end of the season. In the meantime, customers are welcome to register interest in purchasing any airplanes with our dedicated Emporium scanner to be notified once they are in stock again.

Emporium reminds its customers that, as a sovereign planar entity, it has a monopoly on the legitimate economic exchange of goods and services. Any unlicensed retailers, competitor organisations, or independent actors working on Emporium property are not authorised, and we recommend that customers and staff avoid contact with them. Not only do non-sanctioned sellers represent a serious security risk, but we also cannot vouch for the safety, provenance, or quality of whatever they try to sell to you. Safe shopping, Customers!

As before, this is not on the official news bulletin - but if you OC want your character to have seen it, go right on ahead. looking to coordinate high-value discreet transactions to ensure personal security and the stability of your homeplane. when you can't trust emporium to stay stable - you can count on us. laundry room. any time this season. ask for m. if you narc on us, we'll already be gone.